Knowing When You Know; Accepting Your Fate

Over the past few years of my life, I have made and been given so many connections and moments that have taught me so much about being intuitive and trusting myself in a way that is much more about internal thinking than about being completely logical. As I’ve grown to learn more about intuition, and accepting what my gut is telling me, I’ve also led myself to pay deeper attention to the things I see on a daily basis and what those things are showing me. When something or someone is meant to be in my life, truly, I will know. For me, there is a feeling in my mind and my body that is aligned with that, and it is very distinguishable. Or, the opposite; when someone or something is not meant to be in my life, I can feel that too. If you trust yourself and your instincts, you will be able to tell. 

As I’ve gotten older and become more aware of the people surrounding me, I’ve come across people who have felt so familiar that I’ve felt as if I already knew them. I’ve looked into people’s eyes and recognized something in them, as if I knew them in another lifetime. By nature, those people have stayed close to my heart even if we’ve lost touch. They’ve shown up in my life in other ways, even when their physical presence is gone. Like a symbol that feels very hidden and sacred to me, although I never have to actually look for it. It’s just there. However, I don’t think occurrences like that are ever common. They are too delicate to be common. When they do happen though, the time spent knowing and being in the presence of that person isn’t the thing that matters at all. It could be someone I met one time, in passing. It could be my closest friend, or someone I see everyday. It could be someone I knew either distantly or closely for a couple weeks and then completely fell out of touch with, aside from a rare reunion. Even then, with nothing happening to further unify that connection, potentially indefinitely, that feeling still stands. That is the thing; nothing has to happen, although maybe, sometimes it does. I have always believed in our souls living multiple lives, our bodies just a shell of them. That’s how I am able to accept that I’ll never fully understand someone feeling unreasonably familiar even though at the surface, you know nothing about them. It’s just one of the things that actually makes life feel worth living, that maybe in this world we live in, there are a number of people with some part of them that was made for you, as you were made for them. It’s not even a question to you, it’s just natural. As per a Lana Del Rey lyric, ‘If you’re asking yourself, “how do you know?” Then that’s the answer, the answer is “no.”’ The only way to know is to know, and that’s the most encapsulating part. There’s a fire there that will never burn out.

When you are given the privilege of coming into contact with someone like that, with a connection like that, and it sticks to you so deeply without sticking to you at all, it’s something that you have to hold on to. It’s such a haunting feeling. At times, it can be the best feeling in the world; knowing something so intensely and deeply that no matter what, you are confident that is where your road will lead (and typically you are proven right). Other times, that feeling can be the most painful of them all, as though it’s impending doom that is unexchangeable for another reality, one that would feel much more simple, but ultimately be so much more bland and boring. There are things I’ve gone through where I was able to move on almost immediately, and then there were things almost identical to what I was able to let go of that have stayed so close to me til this day, and wind up in my thoughts, and even in my life with the significance that would stand if they were physically still just as present.  It only goes to show that the content of what it is you are going through doesn’t have as much of an effect as how you feel about it, or around it. I think that the universe will always show you who and what will show up for you, even if you aren’t specifically asking for it. The people who will end up being pivotal figures in your life. The ventures that will ultimately force you to become yourself, exciting or challenging, or maybe both. The desires that you will end up indulging in, that maybe you haven’t quite reached the brink of yet. If you end up being lucky enough to grip onto one of those things, and even luckier, to let it become something more than a fleeting moment, hold onto it. But still; you will always know.

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Intuition is a funny thing. Sometimes it feels like there’s a stabbing pain in your stomach telling you the answer, while other times there’s not even a feeling; you just know it internally. Having a strong intuition is a blessing and a curse. There are times I almost wish I didn’t have one so I could live life blindly. With that being said, having a strong intuition about people you meet, and relationships you hold close to you is an amazing thing, and a beautiful way to live life.

I’ve had many experiences of meeting strangers, friends that become family, “enemies” (even if they’re one-sided....), lovers, etc of mine that have felt like their life paths were meant to cross mine, like there was always a string there tying us to one another, maybe even before our existence. Like if we didn’t meet in one way, we would still would have ended up meeting, just in a different way. Looking back, those experiences and connections have taught me so much about myself, whether they've ended or not. Everything I felt towards them ultimately transformed into something beautiful for myself, for my growth and being. But that’s exactly what it really is. I believe that every encounter you have with someone, good or bad, was something that was meant to happen for you, in the end. Especially when it involves people that you have that feeling about. Connections of all kinds are truly so intimate, and at times, once they’ve passed, it feels like certain things should’ve or could’ve been avoided, and maybe that's true, but without those experiences, you would be without the wisdom and maturity that you carry with you today. When things like that happen, from my personal experience, it can usually only go two ways. It can make you feel like you’re going to be shattered into a million pieces forever, or you can take your experience and transform yourself into a version of you you’ve never met before. Either way, your life changes in some capacity, and by some magnitude, you learn so much.

It’s the things like that that help you develop your relationship with yourself and your intuition. It’s things like that, that come across as a ‘sign’, even if that wasn’t what you thought you needed. Sometimes you’ll be asking for a sign and you’ll see exactly what you’re looking for, but it still feels like you’re searching for something else. Like something else is missing. In my case, I only truly know what the universe is handing me to see, if there’s a distinct feeling behind it. Say you want to move out of your house because it’s old, falling apart and needs too much renovation to keep living there. You don’t want to, because you love that house, more than you’ve ever loved any house before, but you know you can’t fix that house, at least not in that moment because you aren’t financially able to. But you look for that house in every other house you may live in. You try to forget about what that house once served you, but it’s almost impossible because you can’t let it go, no matter how much you’ve tried, and no matter how much you love your current house. And you realize that it isn’t about the amenities that the house had, but about the way you felt while that house belonged to you. How you felt while you were encapsulated in the space that the house offered you. That's a dumb metaphor, but it applies to almost everything. You can search to get rid of your feelings about someone, but your path may always lead back to that person. Accepting your fate is one of the most powerful and affirming, yet difficult things to do. You can’t just simply escape what’s written for your path, or what’s meant to happen between you and another person. And whether you believe in it or not, things will work out for you in mysterious ways. I’ve had lifelong friendships crumble into pieces in the palm of my hand. I’ve lost people I felt like I would never be able to live without. But at the end of the day, the only way my life was supposed to unfold was exactly how it did, and how it continues to. I think regrets are inevitable, and at times, wish I could change things to have been more of my convenience; but ultimately I wouldn’t have the privilege of learning valuable life lessons without going through the grief of my own actions, because that’s the way things go. 

Top excerpt: Bianca Hatley

Bottom excerpt: Ellah Bendt